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Fiction - Short Stories - Alive and Well on The Road To Self-Destruction
Four-letter Words
Howard N. Kaplan
While they made love they pulled each other’s hair. Their jaws moved against each other with shifting intensity. They strained to kiss, biting and sucking at the same time. Their tongues tangled in a web of love and hate and all the four-letter words between the two.
Gloria lay on her back and dreamed of flying. The bedroom was thick with the smell of sweat. The air-conditioner broke two weeks ago. “Keith,” she moaned, feeling the sighs rolling like bubbles from her chest. She raised her hands to his forearms and they stared at each other for a second.
Keith rolled over and felt the sheet stick to his back. He shut his eyes while Gloria rocked on top of him. He dreamed that he could breathe underwater. He came squeezing Gloria’s knees tightly with his fingers.
Gloria stopped rocking and let her fair fall in front of her face. Sweat formed patterns with the fine hair on her stomach. She smiled at Keith. Keith stroked her knees silently. Gloria tilted her head forward and kissed him. Keith pulled her down and kissed the back of her neck while the summer heat cooled on their bodies.
* * *
“Are you asleep?” Keith asked in the darkness.
“Not really,” Gloria mumbled. She rested on his shoulder and moved her sharp fingers of the side of his chest.
“I’m remembering something,” Keith said.
“What is it?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Yes. What’s the matter?”
“Billy.”
“What makes you think of him? You haven’t seen him in years.”
“I know. I just remembered something about him.”
“What is it?” Gloria sighed.
“I remember when Billy was six years old. I got him a puppy for his birthday. He became very attached to it. Elsie and I were at work all day, so the dog became his best friend.
“One weekend we went camping. It took us six hours to get there, far away from the city, but it was worth it. It was a time for the whole ‘family’ to get together. Anyway, Billy went off to play with the puppy while Elsie and I set camp. When Billy came back with the puppy dead in his hands I was in shock. The dog drowned fetching a stick. Billy watched it drowning and went out to save it. They were totally soaked. The only thing I could say was that I’d get him another puppy. He was so upset that we had to go home. I wish I could’ve done something. I felt so inadequate as a father.”
“He couldn’t blame you for the dog drowning,” Gloria caressed his chest. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know. He didn’t blame me. Just thinking about it made me realize that Billy and I were never close. He never came to me for advice, or to talk about problems—he would go to Elsie.”
“If you felt this way why didn’t you do something?”
“I don’t know,” Keith paused. “It’s too late for me to think about now.”
Gloria said nothing as she raised Keith’s hand to her lips. She kissed each finger, then pressed her hand around his hand and held it tightly beneath her chin.
* * *
Morning breakfast sounds filled the kitchen. Gloria stood by the stove wearing shorts and a t-shirt, her bare feet sticking to the dirty floor, while she moved bacon across the pan. Keith stood beside her, wearing only his light robe, while he put slices of bread in the toaster. The television played in the living room. Cartoon sounds buzzed and banged and bapped while the Roadrunner avoided the Coyote for another half hour. When the food was ready, Keith and Gloria sat across from the teevee and ate. The coffee was strong and black, their legs touched beneath the table, and the Sunday newspaper was strewn across different parts of the floor.
Sitting in the living room, Keith smoked cigarettes while he read the Want Ads. He sat in a reclining chair and marked off possible jobs with a red pen. Smoke filled the room and crept over to the couch where Gloria lay on her stomach, her legs bent upward, while she read the magazine section.
“When are you going to get the air-conditioner fixed?” she asked.
“I’ll get around to it.”
“When?”
“Whenever. I have things to do.”
Gloria looked up from the magazine. Her long hair was tangled and nail polish was flaking from her fingers. “Can’t you find the time to get it fixed?”
“I will. Don’t worry about it,” Keith exhaled smoke.
“We can wait until Winter, you know; then we won’t need the fucking air-conditioner.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Can’t you do anything besides read and smoke?”
“I’m trying to get a job, damn it!” Keith bent the paper down so he could look at Gloria.
“You’re not trying very hard at it,” Gloria shook her head and sneered.
“It’s hard to find decent work, you know that.”
“At least I have a job. I’d get the blasted air-conditioner fixed if I didn’t have to work all week!”
“I said I’d get it fixed!”
“Then do it!”
“Look, Gloria, I’m not your old lover who did everything you told him to do!”
“Don’t bring that up again.”
“I’m not going to take care of you like he did.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Really?” Keith sat up and put out his cigarette. “You just can’t accept the fact that not every man is perfect.”
“I loved Gary.”
“Of course you did! He bought you everything you needed, entertained you for a few years, then dumped you to pick up another—“
“At least he was responsible.”
“I’m trying to get a job, can’t you see that?” Keith lifted the newspaper. It was marked with red circles.
“You’re just an arrogant pen-pusher. You won’t take any low-level job n o matter how much it paid.”
“I’m better than any low-level job, you know that. I have talent. I didn’t spend ten years in advertising to get a job as a dishwasher.”
“Maybe you’ll have to wash dishes, lover, because I can’t keep on supporting us forever.”
“I have to support Elsie and Billy, too, you know,” Keith went on, “and I am paying for my part of the rent and food.”
“But what happens when your money runs out? You need a job.”
“I’m trying, damn it!” Keith picked up another cigarette and sucked it savagely. He picked up the paper and took three more quick drags. They sat reading for the entire afternoon. Gloria got up and took a shower and left Keith in the living room in a cloud of smoke and newspaper. Keith fell asleep in the reclining chair until late in the afternoon. When Gloria came out of the shower he was awake and watching a Godzilla movie on the television.
Gloria stood at his side for a minute with a towel wrapped around her body and another towel wrapped around her hair. She stood there silently until Keith said in a dead monotone, “I’m sorry. I’ll get the air-conditioner fixed.”
“All right,” Gloria sighed. “We fight too much. I’m sorry too,” she bent over to kiss him and let his hands reach inside the towel to her breasts. She sat on his lap and undid his robe. Facing him on the chair, she wrapped her legs around his waist and put her arms around his neck. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him gently at first, then as they touched more she reached back into his mouth with her tongue and hugged him tightly while the Godzilla movie roared on the television.
* * *
Keith sat up reading in bed. Gloria was asleep beside him. The open window let in a rare cool breeze through the bedroom. Keith read late into the night until Gloria turned over and said, “Could you turn the light off?” I have to wake up in the morning.
Keith kept reading for another half hour before he shut the light and went to sleep. The sides of their bodies touched beneath the light bedsheet. The next morning Keith woke up alone.
He made himself a large pot of coffee and watched the television. Gloria went to work at the hospital as a secretary. At four o’clock Keith began to prepare dinner. He still wore his robe. When Gloria came home he was in his chair, smoking, and watching the evening news.
“I’m back,” she said.
“How was your day?” Keith stood and kissed her.
“The same. Boring,” Gloria hugged Keith and went to the bathroom. “What’s for dinner?” she asked, returning in her jeans and t-shirt.
“Chicken.”
“Again?”
“Yes,” Keith said. “It’s all we have.”
“We always have chicken.”
“Sorry,” Keith walked into the kitchen and put the chicken on two plates. They ate while they watched the news.
“Did you go out looking for work?” Gloria asked.
“Not today. I’ll go tomorrow.”
“Why didn’t you go today?”
“I didn’t feel like it. I was too tired when I woke up.”
“When did you wake up?”
“Around noon,” Keith said. He lifted his glass and washed down the chicken. It was dry, leftover from last night.
“Why didn’t you get up early and go job-hunting?”
“I didn’t want to get up early to find out that there weren’t any jobs.”
“Can’t you just try?”
“I’ve tried already. I’ll go tomorrow to an agency or two.”
Gloria was silent. She put her fork and knife down on the table. “I’m sick of chicken,” she said.
“It’s all we have.”
“Can’t we get something else?”
“Like what?”
“Anything! Anything but fucking chicken!”
“Chicken’s cheap.”
“So are you,” Gloria said between her teeth.
“I have to watch my money. I have a former wife and child to support, you know.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean we have to live like this!”
“Look, I’m not a millionaire like Gary.”
“Don’t bring him into it again, damn it!”
“I can’t buy you all those precious little things you want!”
“I just want something to eat besides chicken!”
“I can’t get you nice clothes and jewelry and caviar and all of your rotten little luxuries,” Keith stood up and tossed his plate into the sink. He walked to the living room and raised the volume on the television.
Gloria counted silently to ten to herself before she stood up and washed the dishes. Keith was reading in his chair with the television blasting when she came in with a cup of coffee.
“Did you make coffee?” Keith asked.
“Yes.”
“Can I have a cup?”
“There are cups in the kitchen,” Gloria stared at the TV screen. Keith sat still for a while before he sat up and went to the kitchen.
They sat in the living room drinking coffee while they watched TV. After a long and awkward silence Gloria asked, “What about the air-conditioner?”
“What about it?”
“When are you going to get it fixed?”
“I’ll do it tomorrow, when I go job-hunting.”
“Okay,” Gloria said. “I hope you do.”
That night they made love three times. Savagely squeezing, scratching and biting each other, they rolled in the moist sheets.
The next day Keith went to get the air-conditioner fixed. It cost him one-hundred and twenty dollars. He walked up and down the streets of the city, eating pizza and smoking cigarettes. He went to a movie while the air-conditioner was being repaired and came back to the apartment just in time to make dinner.
“Hot dogs?” Gloria was astonished. “Why do we eat like this?”
“I got the air-conditioner fixed,” Keith avoided her question.
“Finally. What about work?”
“I looked,” Keith lied.
“Anything?”
“No.”
Gloria drank a seven-up and pressed her leg against Keith’s under the table. “Why don’t you clean the apartment since you have free time?”
“Clean the apartment?”
“Yeah. You know. Dust and vacuum and all that. The place is getting filthy.”
“You want me to do housework.”
“What’s wrong with housework?” Gloria felt her anger growing like a balloon. “You sound offended.”
“Let me get this straight,” Keith began. “You want me to clean the house and find a job at the same time.”
“What else to you do during the day besides watch TV?”
“You make my life sound like a vacation. I’ve been looking for a job for the past year. Do you realize how frustrated I am?”
“I realize that you’re too proud and lazy to get a real job.”
“Christ, Gloria, get off my back already.”
“I’m sick and tired of supporting the two of us,” Gloria said. “I deserve a better life than this.”
“You’re right, Gloria. You’re a regular princess, aren’t you?” Keith’s voice was like a slap. “I’m sorry if I don’t live up to your standards.”
“You’re acting like an idiot,” Gloria said.
“Now you insult me!”
“Keith, you’re suffocating me! All you do is live in the past. You wallow in self-pity.”
“What do you expect after years of frustration?”
“Your perspective is so warped, Keith. I’m getting sick and tired of your excuses.” Gloria stood and put her dish in the sink. She went to the bathroom and put on her nightgown. She took a sheet and a pillow from the closet and was getting ready to sleep on the couch when Keith approached her.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“What for?”
“I’m sorry for making you angry.”
“That means nothing to me,” Gloria was despondent.
“Then what the hell do you want?”
“I don’t want an apology. I want you to change.”
Keith was silent. He sat next to Gloria and put his hand on her knee. “I love you.”
“I love you too. I just wish you were more responsible.”
“I’ll try,” Keith kissed the soft side of Gloria’s neck. “I want to stay with you forever.”
Gloria began to resist Keith’s hands on her thighs but succumbed to his gentle prodding. They made love in the living room during prime-time and went to sleep early that night.
* * *
The next day Keith cleaned the apartment. He quickly dusted the living room and vacuumed the floor. He made the bed but overlooked the bathroom and kitchen floors. When Gloria came home he asked if she noticed anything.
“Yes, you’ve made the bed.”
“I also dusted and vacuumed.”
“That’s funny. I didn’t notice.”
“You didn’t notice?” Keith was surprised. “I thought you’d be happy.”
“I’m just tired, Keith,” Gloria turned away from him. “I’ve had a hard day.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What’s for dinner?”
“I didn’t make anything. I figured we’d eat out,” Keith said.
“We can’t afford to eat out,” Gloria sat on the couch. “You know that.”
“I thought we’d celebrate.”
“Celebrate what?” Gloria brightened. “Did you get a job?”
“No,” Keith said. “I cleaned the apartment.
Gloria sighed. “I’m not feeling well.”
“Do you want anything to eat?”
“No. I’m going to lie down,” Gloria moved to the bedroom.
“I hope you feel better,” Keith walked to the kitchen and cooked a can of macaroni. He ate in front of the television.
Later that evening Keith reached over in the darkness and touched Gloria’s shoulder. “Are you asleep?” he asked.
“Not really.”
“Are you still mad at me?”
Gloria paused. “No,” she said.
“Then why are you so quiet?”
“I don’t feel well. I don’t think I’ll go to work tomorrow.”
“We can sleep late together, then,” Keith put his hand on Gloria’s breast and began kissing her. Gloria pulled herself away.
“No, not tonight,” she said. “I’m sick. I’m going to sleep on the couch.” Gloria sat up in the bed and slid off to the living room.
The next morning Keith woke before Gloria. He prepared breakfast for both of them. Gloria entered the kitchen in a daze. She sat down.
“Morning,” Keith said.
“Morning.”
“Today is the day I get a job,” Keith was lively.
“I hope you do,” Gloria mumbled into her coffee.
“I feel lucky today,” Keith sat across from Gloria. “Do you feel any better?”
“Sort of,” Gloria was drowsy.
Keith quickly cleaned the table when they finished eating. He kissed Gloria on the forehead. “Wish me luck,” he said.
“Good luck,” Gloria stared into space.
After Keith left Gloria took a shower and began to pack her things. She used the luggage set that Gary had bought her. She thought about writing a note to Keith, but decided not to because she had nothing to say.
Keith returned jobless to the empty apartment. When he realized that Gloria had left he cried to himself. Summer ended and he moved to the YMCA.
hkaplan.com - Résumé - Fiction - Poetry - Painting/Collage - Photography - Sounds - Video
Warning: This site contains obscene material and is not meant for consumption by children, animals, or sensitive adults.